THE CHASE NEVER ENDS

January 20, 2018 — Leave a comment

(Just because you won their love doesn’t mean you stop the pursuit of their attention, feelings, and heart.)

Love, as a word, is a limited.

Throw it away.

Toss it out.

Realize, all these different ideas we try to cram into it are utter bullshit.

There are those who believe that it should be this passionate fiery feeling that causes you to rip the clothes off your lover in some hypersexual lust.

Then, there’s the simple belief that it’s a multistage kind of deal where you move from that outside and then transition into a deeper and more companionship that is more rewarding and fulfilling.

Regardless of how you define it, the trouble lays in trying to get there. And usually, it’s this struggle of keeping the relationship alive and exciting and emotionally satisfying for the other – not so much the sexual stuff – through just showing that you care and still strive to win their heart.

For my perspective, as a straight male, it’s all about keeping the chase alive.

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(On the cultivation of Loving-kindness and how it can help with hatred, getting along with others, and self-hate.)

When we think of meditation, we usually have this image of a person sitting in the full lotus posture and focusing on their breath.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat to eternity or until you can’t feel your feet anymore.

For the longest time, this was the same image I had about meditation. Only this past Christmas Holiday I rediscovered the other way we could meditation.

Now, before I dive into the backstory of what led me back and the nuts and bolts of how you can practice, I want to say the many kinds of meditation techniques are wonderful tools for everyone — regardless of religious beliefs. It’s a great stress reliever and an anxiety management tool when dealing with different obstacles in life.

For this post, the name of game is Loving-kindness meditation (also known as Mettā meditation).

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“Remember: you will never earn the same rewards as others without employing the same methods and investment of time as they do. It is unreasonable to think we can earn rewards without being willing to pay their true price. The person who “wins” at something has no real advantage over you because they had to pay the price for the reward.”

— Epictetus, A Manual for Living

There are times we can feel the overwhelming power of jealous and the great sense of failure when we size ourselves up with others who are deemed “successful.” Normally, I’m on my best guard when I let my own thoughts react to these situations but it was a special combination of “highly specialized individual” and the “undying thirst for knowledge.”

Then again, a good verbal barrage and the art of hijacking the conversation so you are the center of all things are usually what sells it home, especially giving it a few days to think about. To be honest, it started off as a friendly sharing of knowledge of literature and the love of books. I deeply wanted to get into the concepts and ideas of how stories are so great. It was on the topic of Russian literature (outside of popular culture, I knew little first hand) and French literature.

When it got to French literature, my brain connected towards to a recent purchase of The Count of Monte Cristo and how I wanted to see if this other person had read it and had an opinion of what the interwebs were saying about the new translation from Penguin Books was recommended as the best to read. I had only gotten the Modern Library version so… I wanted an answer if it was still worth it.

I never got that answer.

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To put it simply: it’s time to cut coffee out of my diet.

Don’t get me wrong or anything… I’ve been an average user of the stuff. At height of it all, I would consume up to four cups a day. There would be times I would substitute energy drinks to get the required fix (which also included its own set of problems).

Here is my personal take, in regards to the pros and the cons…

  • thinking on the fly becomes a daring act — I believe I think faster. I know I talk faster. I can get ideas and I can suddenly spew out a thousand words a second.
  • thinking faster results in less of self-criticism, especially in high tension situation that can result in a mild anxiety episode
  • caffeine naps; something I haven’t truly mastered but felt the benefits when done right… go away for a few minutes and come back rocking and rolling.

As for the cons…

  • the after effects of caffeine is fueling my existing traces of anxiety and leaving me in an antsy state of mind — which results in losing focus.
  • it can be an expensive habit if you’re drinking outside your home
  • dependency — let’s face it, it’s a drug and when I don’t get my fix I get the tension headaches and I get into a negative, grouchy mood… because of that…
  • influencing/affecting my behavior: if I drink it, I’m happy… if I don’t… then I get into a foul mood and leads to me acting negatively to those around me.

 

So, yeah. It’s time to quit coffee to avoid the caffeine. I know there’s decaf and there are things like “Kaffree” for people who want to retain the taste of the good stuff without feeling those ill effects of caffeine. For me, I know in the end, it won’t be perfect. I’ll probably get a milk tea fix now and then… but it’s specifically that smell and texture and the kick you get in the face that coffee gives me that I need to stop.

I can’t take a chance. And so this is my plan and my grand farewell to the good stuff that I had loved for so many years.

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SELF-SLAPPERY

December 18, 2017 — Leave a comment

Supposedly, it takes an average of 66 days to make or break a habit. Nope, it’s not 21 days apparently as we once thought before so… more days, more fun! Don’t worry, it’s just numbers being thrown around, so it shouldn’t really matter at all because we should focus on that aspect too long. It’s good for a visual so you can see what the heck is going on (like having a physical calendar to cross each day off whenever your successful so you can have that gratification in completing something).

The days can be daunting but if you don’t get one down, you’ll never get to day two or day 66 or even… day 500. It’s all about routine and so… maybe it’s just wise for you to stop now and just open up that word document you have been putting off and just write out 500 words… no wait, make it just even 250 words. Yeah, that’s better… just do it.

It’s taking a long hard fight to realize that excuses are the enemy. That and blaming. While all that energy is being put into that pile of useless thought, we could be finishing that screenplay, doing push-ups, or finishing that book you left two months ago.

B-b-but, I’m just suffering from a block! I can’t get into the FLOW! It’s just a struggle! So, it’s okay for me to complain about the pain so I can deal with it… Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?
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Skipping all the background baggage of how we came to be, I think it’s safe to assume that humans have the greatest skill of thinking about ourselves. We think about what we are going to do. We think about our past. And we think about our possibilities or what-ifs. But the one that tends to be a popular one is our future and our fate.

Or, particular, our fortune.

How does it all end? What will become of us and our goals?

Will be successful? Or will be complete utter failures?

Thinking about questions and ideas will drive a person mad to find out the truth. And offering a sensible solution like a chance to peek into the future… who wouldn’t be tempted to use such a service? But the problem with these services is that they’re usually all scams and trying to cash in on your own desires and dreams and hopes.

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To laugh is to live your life with a pinch of insanity in a mundane world.

There is a lot of theories how and what we find funny. We have the classic of slapstick but something that isn’t as appreciated as it once was years ago. It’s childish for sure, but it’s still in existence. The pleasure in the pain and misfortune of others.

There’s that theory you probably encountered in your own self-study of the writing arts — what is a comedy but tragedy plus time.

I love comedy. I love humour. I have my own limitations and I have my own set weapons I tend to lean on a daily basis. But there’s nothing as powerful as the prepared mind to be unprepared and loose and ruthless in the search for the perfect full circle.

There’s nothing like the completed circle. The sense of a closed loop that brings the whole conversation or story altogether in a neat little bow.  And to do that requires the technique called the callback. And for me, the ability to generate a laugh through this method is the greatest satisfaction.

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