Archives For Life

I never went to film school. Probably will never attend a school. I did take workshops at film initiatives and even graduated from a dedicated Scriptwriting Program and watched thousands of movies at home… and even took a free online course about the history and the use of color and sound in movies.

Is it worth it? All the trouble and following the alternative path?

I have already accepted my fate as a non-filmmaker but a more writer-ly goal. That I can control and that I can continue to dance freely as possible at home and trying to construct the right amount of words to make people feel good, scared, sad, and pissed off. I need that fix and there’s nothing more uplifting than the high of a writer from writing a few thousand words. It’s always the beginning flow that takes so goddamn long and then after a good hard run of words, you just can’t stop.

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Quiet before the storm. 

Darkest before the dawn.

Life’s a piece a shit when you look at it.

Finding and dropping the right quote at the right time is like taking a precision shot at an apple on top of some poor chap’s head. And the quotes I’m thinking about are all related to what will be the toughest four weeks ahead. The theme is related to change and we humans are never ready for a change. In fact, I’m sure most of us will whine at the idea of changing a trusted routine. Some may even curl up and hide in some closet, hoping for the world to pass or focusing their energies on trying to teleport their way out of the problem.

It’s the greatest moment of fight or flight ever. And this time, I cannot afford to fly away just yet. There’s going to be the greatest test yet and it’s going to be an incredible battle. Continue Reading…

Here’s a random memory that came floating into my mind recently. It was about that time when I ran into an old woman talking about a cursed family who had a dark history and she was warning me how she was trying to put a hex on them.

Most folks who stop you on the street are usually looking for directions, some loose change, or looking to make a sale (which is rare but it does happen). And these incidents rarely happen at night. In fact, if they ever happen at night, that’s when decisions should be made when the unexpected happens.

For one winter night in 2009, walking home from my evening classes, I wandered onto a snowy street where a crossed paths with an old woman who seemed to be looking for something. So, when she said, “Excuse me?” it was only natural to stop and see if it was something important. Because, one she’s an elderly person and I think it would be important if she needed help, especially if it was an emergency.

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The life of the writer is filled with long hours of sitting down. Back in 2013, during my “Lost Weekend” phase, I was spending a lot of time trying to write. I did experiment with a standing desk thing and, at first, it worked. I got addicted and that addiction fucks with your knees pretty bad. Moderation was the major key here if you are ever curious how that whole thing worked.

Fast forward to present day and I’m still not really hitting the gym as I wished. But I have been working two teaching jobs and spending a bulk of my time outside and on my feet. During my time in Vietnam, I spent a majority of my time standing and it affected my knees a lot. So I opted to keep moving around and only resorted to sitting when required.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.

Words can get to us. We have little things that remind us that the words won’t hurt and yet they carry that inflated weight that just knows how to get in deep and stab at our core. It’s painful and it’s a pain in the ass. You can be a natural at zoning out all the blabber of sound that comes at you, like professional athletes who are constantly harassed by the audience at games. You just have to deal with it.

But, what about the other way around.

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Stumbling upon an advertisement for a 20LB blanket for therapeutic reasons, I became intrigued. It’s supposed to mimic the feeling of someone holding you as you sleep, as the weight is just heavy enough to give the comfort of mother swaddling a baby. And for someone who is dying from the lack of an intimate physical contact from their partner, it seems like a possible remedy.At first, it feels shameful. Almost like those individuals who turn to the expensive silicone sex dolls that can cost thousands of dollars. For those folks, it may seem like some perverted fantasy of never being able to be “socially healthy” enough to achieve the necessary steps to gain a real human being as their partner. Or it could a lack of a physical touch that leads to the true nature of how, we humans, require the social interaction that makes us sane.

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September 25, 2017 — Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve been questioning myself and my decisions and efforts to struggle against two teaching jobs and to wrestle with the impossible task of commuting across the GTA.
How I dealt with the worries and pain of the daily and weekly challenges is to simply embrace it. Taking it all in. The long hours of standing, my fluctuating waistline and poor diet and my overall disappointment in my own lack of self-improvement. Bunny would usually tell me when she’s unhappy with me, “You never change.”

I love teaching when it is valuable and rewarding to the students. I try very hard to make them realize it’s all about the process and not a piece of paper that they truly desire and need.

But, after all that, I return home to my agony and the many stories I have yet to finish and the applications of various sorts to finish and submit. We all have the same issues, money, and challenges of living, mine not as important to your own — because we are moving on different streams.

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