Archives For Life

Right Mindset

March 13, 2018 — Leave a comment

The distance between my first job and my second is about a 50-minute walk. It’s getting sunnier but at times the wind is what hurts the most. Despite that, it’s great to have a chance to see the city above ground and to get some fresh air, especially being cooped up for 8 hours. During this time I like to listen to some pump up songs. At the moment, my current obsession is some very particular Kpop songs and a few edgier tunes. Continue Reading…


The silence was too long due to the struggles of stringing together a semi-coherent story. My own refusal to commit to the project is mostly due to my fears. It’s strange to write about my own research and knowledge on the subject, but only to let the inner demons to haunt me from the inside out.

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February 26, 2018 — Leave a comment

It’s been about 54 days since my last cup of coffee. There are days when I feel out of it and want to give up, especially mid-afternoon. That’s when the aid of baby wipes or a splash of cold water around the eyes help get the sting out. Sometimes the use of eye drops are required to clear the fogginess that comes along with staying awake for so long.

Following a caffeine-free lifestyle has proven that it’s possible to wake up and rely on the internal energies that you naturally possess to jump start the day. Sure, the winter mornings can get the best of you and get you rolling out of bed at a snail’s pace. Then there’s the whole issue of having a big breakfast when your body doesn’t really want to eat at all. Besides that, mornings are generally OK.

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January 20, 2018 — Leave a comment

(Just because you won their love doesn’t mean you stop the pursuit of their attention, feelings, and heart.)

Love, as a word, is a limited.

Throw it away.

Toss it out.

Realize, all these different ideas we try to cram into it are utter bullshit.

There are those who believe that it should be this passionate fiery feeling that causes you to rip the clothes off your lover in some hypersexual lust.

Then, there’s the simple belief that it’s a multistage kind of deal where you move from that outside and then transition into a deeper and more companionship that is more rewarding and fulfilling.

Regardless of how you define it, the trouble lays in trying to get there. And usually, it’s this struggle of keeping the relationship alive and exciting and emotionally satisfying for the other – not so much the sexual stuff – through just showing that you care and still strive to win their heart.

For my perspective, as a straight male, it’s all about keeping the chase alive.

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(On the cultivation of Loving-kindness and how it can help with hatred, getting along with others, and self-hate.)

When we think of meditation, we usually have this image of a person sitting in the full lotus posture and focusing on their breath.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat to eternity or until you can’t feel your feet anymore.

For the longest time, this was the same image I had about meditation. Only this past Christmas Holiday I rediscovered the other way we could meditation.

Now, before I dive into the backstory of what led me back and the nuts and bolts of how you can practice, I want to say the many kinds of meditation techniques are wonderful tools for everyone — regardless of religious beliefs. It’s a great stress reliever and an anxiety management tool when dealing with different obstacles in life.

For this post, the name of game is Loving-kindness meditation (also known as Mettā meditation).

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“Remember: you will never earn the same rewards as others without employing the same methods and investment of time as they do. It is unreasonable to think we can earn rewards without being willing to pay their true price. The person who “wins” at something has no real advantage over you because they had to pay the price for the reward.”

— Epictetus, A Manual for Living

There are times we can feel the overwhelming power of jealous and the great sense of failure when we size ourselves up with others who are deemed “successful.” Normally, I’m on my best guard when I let my own thoughts react to these situations but it was a special combination of “highly specialized individual” and the “undying thirst for knowledge.”

Then again, a good verbal barrage and the art of hijacking the conversation so you are the center of all things are usually what sells it home, especially giving it a few days to think about. To be honest, it started off as a friendly sharing of knowledge of literature and the love of books. I deeply wanted to get into the concepts and ideas of how stories are so great. It was on the topic of Russian literature (outside of popular culture, I knew little first hand) and French literature.

When it got to French literature, my brain connected towards to a recent purchase of The Count of Monte Cristo and how I wanted to see if this other person had read it and had an opinion of what the interwebs were saying about the new translation from Penguin Books was recommended as the best to read. I had only gotten the Modern Library version so… I wanted an answer if it was still worth it.

I never got that answer.

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To put it simply: it’s time to cut coffee out of my diet.

Don’t get me wrong or anything… I’ve been an average user of the stuff. At height of it all, I would consume up to four cups a day. There would be times I would substitute energy drinks to get the required fix (which also included its own set of problems).

Here is my personal take, in regards to the pros and the cons…

  • thinking on the fly becomes a daring act — I believe I think faster. I know I talk faster. I can get ideas and I can suddenly spew out a thousand words a second.
  • thinking faster results in less of self-criticism, especially in high tension situation that can result in a mild anxiety episode
  • caffeine naps; something I haven’t truly mastered but felt the benefits when done right… go away for a few minutes and come back rocking and rolling.

As for the cons…

  • the after effects of caffeine is fueling my existing traces of anxiety and leaving me in an antsy state of mind — which results in losing focus.
  • it can be an expensive habit if you’re drinking outside your home
  • dependency — let’s face it, it’s a drug and when I don’t get my fix I get the tension headaches and I get into a negative, grouchy mood… because of that…
  • influencing/affecting my behavior: if I drink it, I’m happy… if I don’t… then I get into a foul mood and leads to me acting negatively to those around me.


So, yeah. It’s time to quit coffee to avoid the caffeine. I know there’s decaf and there are things like “Kaffree” for people who want to retain the taste of the good stuff without feeling those ill effects of caffeine. For me, I know in the end, it won’t be perfect. I’ll probably get a milk tea fix now and then… but it’s specifically that smell and texture and the kick you get in the face that coffee gives me that I need to stop.

I can’t take a chance. And so this is my plan and my grand farewell to the good stuff that I had loved for so many years.

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