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To put it simply: it’s time to cut coffee out of my diet.

Don’t get me wrong or anything… I’ve been an average user of the stuff. At height of it all, I would consume up to four cups a day. There would be times I would substitute energy drinks to get the required fix (which also included its own set of problems).

Here is my personal take, in regards to the pros and the cons…

  • thinking on the fly becomes a daring act — I believe I think faster. I know I talk faster. I can get ideas and I can suddenly spew out a thousand words a second.
  • thinking faster results in less of self-criticism, especially in high tension situation that can result in a mild anxiety episode
  • caffeine naps; something I haven’t truly mastered but felt the benefits when done right… go away for a few minutes and come back rocking and rolling.

As for the cons…

  • the after effects of caffeine is fueling my existing traces of anxiety and leaving me in an antsy state of mind — which results in losing focus.
  • it can be an expensive habit if you’re drinking outside your home
  • dependency — let’s face it, it’s a drug and when I don’t get my fix I get the tension headaches and I get into a negative, grouchy mood… because of that…
  • influencing/affecting my behavior: if I drink it, I’m happy… if I don’t… then I get into a foul mood and leads to me acting negatively to those around me.

 

So, yeah. It’s time to quit coffee to avoid the caffeine. I know there’s decaf and there are things like “Kaffree” for people who want to retain the taste of the good stuff without feeling those ill effects of caffeine. For me, I know in the end, it won’t be perfect. I’ll probably get a milk tea fix now and then… but it’s specifically that smell and texture and the kick you get in the face that coffee gives me that I need to stop.

I can’t take a chance. And so this is my plan and my grand farewell to the good stuff that I had loved for so many years.

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SELF-SLAPPERY

December 18, 2017 — Leave a comment

Supposedly, it takes an average of 66 days to make or break a habit. Nope, it’s not 21 days apparently as we once thought before so… more days, more fun! Don’t worry, it’s just numbers being thrown around, so it shouldn’t really matter at all because we should focus on that aspect too long. It’s good for a visual so you can see what the heck is going on (like having a physical calendar to cross each day off whenever your successful so you can have that gratification in completing something).

The days can be daunting but if you don’t get one down, you’ll never get to day two or day 66 or even… day 500. It’s all about routine and so… maybe it’s just wise for you to stop now and just open up that word document you have been putting off and just write out 500 words… no wait, make it just even 250 words. Yeah, that’s better… just do it.

It’s taking a long hard fight to realize that excuses are the enemy. That and blaming. While all that energy is being put into that pile of useless thought, we could be finishing that screenplay, doing push-ups, or finishing that book you left two months ago.

B-b-but, I’m just suffering from a block! I can’t get into the FLOW! It’s just a struggle! So, it’s okay for me to complain about the pain so I can deal with it… Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?
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There is an idea that multi-tasking is the way to go. I know I can’t do it. I remember reading somewhere that it’s actually mono-tasking on steroids. Whatever the case, it’s almost impossible to keep track on things if I’m flipping back and forth between various things at the same time. Especially, if you have your phone sitting beside you and the notifications is on.

Our brains, as it seems, just can’t handle it all. For me, when it comes to prep work and planning my schedule, it’s, even more, a mess so the best thing to do is get it down — on paper or app. That way it becomes an external brain.

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“The moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself…That is the moment, you might be starting to get it right.”

— Neil Gaiman

For those who are able to make a grand career writing about their travels and the things they eat – I’m envious of you. Wouldn’t that be a dream? Travel the world and taste the wonders and spent glorious amounts of time taking photos and making a living off that!

Maybe on my next travel, I’ll write about my own views of how I am able to survive and spend the days across the city. To be honest, I’m not sure if you would get much out of my own travel writing but the hope of sheer insight and entertainment and amusement. That’s the only hope one would hope for.

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I never went to film school. Probably will never attend a school. I did take workshops at film initiatives and even graduated from a dedicated Scriptwriting Program and watched thousands of movies at home… and even took a free online course about the history and the use of color and sound in movies.

Is it worth it? All the trouble and following the alternative path?

I have already accepted my fate as a non-filmmaker but a more writer-ly goal. That I can control and that I can continue to dance freely as possible at home and trying to construct the right amount of words to make people feel good, scared, sad, and pissed off. I need that fix and there’s nothing more uplifting than the high of a writer from writing a few thousand words. It’s always the beginning flow that takes so goddamn long and then after a good hard run of words, you just can’t stop.

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I loved and will always love the TV series, LOST.

I’m not as crazy as some people can be but I’m not as hateful as some people are about the final season of the show. It was quite clear that the finale revealed the parallel timeline to be the epilogue and not the whole “they were dead the whole time” — what does it really mean to be dead? Could it be the final few minutes of Jack dreaming up a whole scenario as his brain shuts off? Or is it the life after life that isn’t comprehensible by our logic in this world? 

But, it existed in a time when it seemed almost impossible for it exists. And compared to the shows that did come after it… you could poke holes here and there and express the agony and pain of certain arcs that could have been tightened up or expressed more. There were the important bits that made it fun and addictive. And then, there were the important people moments. It drew upon its own love of other source materials, some that were apparent and clear and other sources that seemed a little blurred or coincidental. 

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15 HOURS DAYS AND NIGHTS

September 25, 2017 — Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve been questioning myself and my decisions and efforts to struggle against two teaching jobs and to wrestle with the impossible task of commuting across the GTA.
How I dealt with the worries and pain of the daily and weekly challenges is to simply embrace it. Taking it all in. The long hours of standing, my fluctuating waistline and poor diet and my overall disappointment in my own lack of self-improvement. Bunny would usually tell me when she’s unhappy with me, “You never change.”

I love teaching when it is valuable and rewarding to the students. I try very hard to make them realize it’s all about the process and not a piece of paper that they truly desire and need.

But, after all that, I return home to my agony and the many stories I have yet to finish and the applications of various sorts to finish and submit. We all have the same issues, money, and challenges of living, mine not as important to your own — because we are moving on different streams.

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