Most times, I am the lone wolf.
It’s tough to play this role because the moments of solitude bliss is mixed with many shades of darkness. And yes, it’s quite similar to the self-inflicted BDSM stuff too. I haven’t reached out to the local filmmaking network as I had always intended to do but ultimately passed on it. I know there are the little guys who are creating and I commend them so much for keeping that right attitude so strong.
For me, it was a matter of understanding my rightful place in the world and accepting what I could control and couldn’t. And in this case, my own destiny as a creator of content.
There are times when I did dream that I would summon all the courage humanly possible to venture out and do the impossible and make a low-budget feature with all the right moving parts and life that it deserves. Finding the right people don’t scare me. Working with them, I don’t mind so much these days as my current day job forces me to deal with people on a daily basis and stretch my understanding of my own abilities to communicate and express.
The only thing that scares me is not completing things as I should have done many times through and having the same sad excuse as I constantly reference in these posts.
Self-loathing mixed with pseudo-motivating speeches.
I am self-aware and I am in control.
I have many nuggets and a few stories in various degrees of development. A lovely way to say that I have incompleted projects that I have forgotten about because of diving into the real world of life and finding love and being forced away from love and now trying to fight my way for love. I am a living embodiment of the hero’s journey and you are too.
Lately, it’s been slow moving to come up with ideas but I think it’s not slow because I am not thinking of new stuff but the act of input of pre-writing is so terrible. I watched a short video of Ed Sheeran visiting his old music school and he was giving the advice of how he had bits and fragments of lyrics on his phone and would constantly come back when the time needed them. And this got me thinking about my own lack of fishing for ideas and mining them.
I do have two ideas I am running with at the moment, but I haven’t sketched out the ideas yet and they have been boiling in the form of pieces of dialogue and strange reflections and an image that constantly grows and morphs as I remember it.
Overall, I think it’s best to have a daily routine to come up with as many ideas as possible. Fifty per week may seem daunting but to push for a ridiculous quota could help train the mind to look for any possible idea and to push the boundaries of what is interesting. For someone who suffers from self-doubt, this could help combat those ill feelings of self-doubts and fears of believing you would have your ideas cache depleted.
Becoming a collaborator is a vital part of any profession and I am only beginning to realize how a healthy network of relationships truly outshines the best of personal experience. It’s the people you know that could help connect the missing dots and find more opportunities to spread your creative worth.
That doesn’t mean it’s the only thing you should develop but it’s sure an important one.
Sometimes it’s wise to give up on old ideas and embrace new ones. If the old ones didn’t work, perhaps it’s time for a revised and update of morals and principles. I know for myself, it has been a long and winding road of many good moments and bad moments. However, I don’t regret anything because the experience of my success and failures makes me feel like I’m finally becoming more mature and responsible for myself.
Lone Wolf is no more.
Social Butterfly Wolf hybrid is here to say, “HELLO BIATCHES.”
Or, “Hello, world.”