Quiet before the storm.
Darkest before the dawn.
Life’s a piece a shit when you look at it.
Finding and dropping the right quote at the right time is like taking a precision shot at an apple on top of some poor chap’s head. And the quotes I’m thinking about are all related to what will be the toughest four weeks ahead. The theme is related to change and we humans are never ready for a change. In fact, I’m sure most of us will whine at the idea of changing a trusted routine. Some may even curl up and hide in some closet, hoping for the world to pass or focusing their energies on trying to teleport their way out of the problem.
It’s the greatest moment of fight or flight ever. And this time, I cannot afford to fly away just yet. There’s going to be the greatest test yet and it’s going to be an incredible battle.Already, my days are filled with two jobs — the day and night, as mentioned before — and that is already a tough act to juggle day in and day out. At times, I experience deja vu daily because I’m repeating certain actions so often and seeing the same old faces often, especially on the busses.
The only thrill I get is the punk-rock or bebop jazz playlist I plug into while on the bus or when I’m zipping along the subway and reading Stephen King’s The Gunslinger. Well, there’s also the few episodes of Sense8 I’m sneaking while I’m eating my uber late dinner (at about 10pm from Monday to Thursday). Fridays are always my wandering days because I have a weekly pass to ride around unlimitedly, I have to get my money’s worth, so I’m traveling to bookstores and visiting random parks and walking around streets full of bums and strange older women yelling random things and couples hugging and fighting.
That’s why life is great and it’s good to smile, despite it all.
I’m still alive.
I still have two hands and two feet.
I can eat well and sleep decent enough.
Life is so great.
Now, when a monkey wrench is thrown into the mix and I’m forced to adapt or change or have to sacrifice some sleep (last Wednesday I slept only 1 hour, which was a killer), I say the only prayer I have known to repeat time and time again:
Give me the strength to carry on.
It ain’t much, but that’s my only wish to the great cosmic powers of the universe and the laws of all physics and karma and the objective existence of an all-powerful force that binds us all together… I just say that.
Starting next week, my job is starting a new program that is supposed to make the entire school a better place to study. This transitional period is completely unknown to all teachers because it requires us to adapt to new books, new time constraints, new skill objectives, new marking schemes, new tests to make, and the great unknown of not knowing if it works at all.
Excitement and fear and angst all rolled into a sushi burrito of fun.
For me, in particular, the next four weeks will also be jammed pack with things to do because I have to plan a general weekly lesson plan for the term after this one. All because I am on my way to take a few weeks off from work and I need my supply teacher to get the ins and outs of what the heck is going on. And so, I’m going to have to be a real-life plotter compared to my natural habit of doing things from the gut. One habit I will use to try and assist myself and the next teacher is to try and create a daily journal about each of my classes so I can keep track of what is going on and what works and what doesn’t.
This is a rip from another teacher with over eight years of experience over my mere three years. There is plenty to always learn and I’m excited to make things as time efficient as possible. And I know that the stress of budgeting money is always a bother and trying to deal with the fact that Bunny is about 14,000 KM away from me is a killer too.
Self-discipline is something I have been desperately trying to perfect and improve as the days go by. At times, my own laziness and social anxiety get me, but I’m able to call it out and shovel through the shit that’s piled in my way. It’s been a lovely weekend but starting today, I have to sit down and write and plan and prepare.
Therefore, I’ll be repeating my personal mantra more and more and more. And surprisingly, it’s been a huge factor in focusing and keeping my head clear in all of this madness.
I believe this is the best part of being human. To have each challenge present itself and having to overcome it. It’s never going to end and I have accepted it. With that in mind, it’s good to know that truth so that you can enjoy and keep positive to the uncontrollable fact of life — shit will always hit the fan. So, it’s best to keep at it, change and adapt, learn and unlearn. To understand the student and to be a better teacher. To let the students enlighten you on your errors and weaknesses. For me, the next four weeks will be some of the toughest moments ever, but I’m going to learn a lot about pushing to the next level of teaching. That’s the hope. That’s the dream. That’s my life.