Becoming the Man… the BAT-MAN.

September 25, 2012 — Leave a comment

I’ve been doing push-ups. Not so much the pull-ups. Good god, y’all… those are difficult. My left shoulder joint is pathetic, well, not that pathetic but it’s somewhat on the verge of becoming double jointed. It’s my go-to arm for scratching the unreachable area of my back. There are some leg squats going on too.

The mentality of Batman. Be as tough as possible but also as clever as possible. And sneaky, that also helps.

Remember at the start of The Dark Knight Rises? Bruce is a recluse, he’s a bit on the emo side and his lack of activity made him all hairy and his joints all achy. Hey, me too!

My inspiration… of… sorts…? JEEZE LOUISE.


Fighting System: when I was eight, I had a brief affair with Taekwondo. The other kids were mean and racist, I had only one friend, and the instructor was a phony who promised to break a cement block but never did. He went by Clark, and no, it wasn’t Clark Kent. High school: I had an obsession with Bruce Lee and Jeet Kune Do. Post-secondary: Laziness overtook me and I packed on the pounds. Pulled a “Machinist” and lost most of it. Studied some modified form of Hapkido and Gungfu. It was a blast.

Car: I have a hatchback. Yeah, nobody is going to suspect me as a crime fighter, especially when it’s bright silver. I could borrow my parent’s SUV and drive around like a tank. I have an uncle who believes SUVs are great because even if you crash into people, you’re okay. That is his justification of purchasing an SUV.

Sidekick: none. I can’t deal with that shit.

Butler: mum, until she pulled an Alfred a la Michael Caine. Now, I am the butler too. Been making my own bed since I was 12.

Clothes: Have you seen those costumes? The replicas? Holy smokes, they’re expensive. I rather spend all that dough into a stab proof and/or bullet proof vest. Remember, no hockey pads. I’ll dig an all black outfit to be quick and nimble. Like a ninja.

Skills and tools: A bunch of bamboo sticks (very strong and flexible), ninja stars, nun-chucks, my Wild Planet Spy Gear Evidence Kit, two Swiss army knives (in case I lose one), med-kit (heal myself and the hurt), a bag of marbles (try chasing me now!), and baby powder as a makeshift smoke-in-your-face tactic.

I also believe that Batman is an overlooked magician. He is an illusionist and a master escape artist. He’s got the skills to be “invisible” and got the whole sleight of hand down pat. It’s all about deception and showmanship. Therefore, I am going to learn some magic tricks. Preferably, become a magician’s apprentice who resembles Qui-Gon Jinn, Hugh Jackman, or the twins that nobody knows about.


My gear and set of skills are not up to par. I understand that, but what I do understand is the fear. The fear, the anger, and the whole idea of letting go to the fear so you can summon the courage. The whole idea of self-sacrifice for a greater good. And the yearning to let go and move on… leave my “Gotham City” for a better life.

That’s how I see it, folks.



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